This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
