I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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