Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
