Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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