Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
