Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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