She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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