Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
