Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize