i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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