Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
