she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
