Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
