Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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