yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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