I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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