The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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