i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
