Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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