Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
