then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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