The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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