don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
