I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
