happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In America we eat man semen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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