Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i've created a new STD.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
