This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize