Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
