I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
