its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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