May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
