do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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