A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
