I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
