It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Too much gin, very little bucket
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
