So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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