Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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