I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
