I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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