have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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