I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
