College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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