I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
