Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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