I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
