After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i will never coherently bang her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
