i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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