Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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