I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
