And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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