you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
