just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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