But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
