Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
