Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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