So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
