dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
