yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
