I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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