mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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