I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
