that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
