i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
