Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
