i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
