mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
