ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
