You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
