i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
