If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
