I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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